Trick yourself into being nicer to yourself

Hello! I’m back from an unintended hiatus. I should have known that with an August vacation and a general late summer lag in motivation to write that my newsletter would take a hit. I’ve still been collecting stories and resources in the background, so let’s get back to it!

In my organizing work I’ve become attuned to the outdated and unhelpful stories my clients sometimes have running in their heads. It’s easy to negatively label ourselves and then to let that tape play for years! Words have power!

In a recent coaching session, a client said something that I had heard her say many times before. She called herself “80% girl” when describing how she finishes everything just 80%.

The first few times I heard it it was just a descriptor that illustrated a challenge she was sharing. (In face, I could relate.) This time though I paused her and challenged her to reframe how she thinks of herself. Asking her to call herself “100% girl” felt like too much of a leap since she clearly didn’t believe that yet.

Here are two ways I got her move towards telling a more helpful story: 

• Tell yourself, “I’m a 100% girl, just for today.” This allows her to truly believe that she can finish something completely, because it’s not a fake assertion of a skill she doesn’t believe she has. Like how personal trainers say “you can do anything for one minute, “ she can temporarily try on “100% girl” and use its powers! Best case scenario: just for today becomes something she repeats more than once…

• Ask yourself, “What would a 100% girl do next?” This allows her to tap into the part of her that has the answers, the plan, and the wherewithal to see things through. She LOVED this suggestion.

I like to believe that we all can answer our biggest questions if we can just take a step back from the worn-out story for even a few moments. Since then, I had a virtual client call herself “Last minute Laura.” We didn’t have time to break that down, but that too is a perfect example of a label that might need to expire.

Can you relate? What cute but massively unhelpful labels have you given yourself? How can you relabel them? Please share in the comments!