How to move through your emotions when decluttering

It's nice when decluttering is joyful, but it isn't always.

Last week I was working with a long-term client on something other than paper for the first time in years. She was in a real mood to declutter deep, but didn't know where to start.  We turned to a cabinet with dishes for entertaining. After boxing up some redundant and never-used items, we pulled out her mother's china. After talking through some obvious reservations, she donated about a dozen of her late mother's one-off plates and serving platters! This happened with minimal nudging from me. As she boxed them up she said something so profound:

"It makes me want to cry, but it feels good."

Letting go is often the right thing to do, though it isn't always the easy thing. It reminded me of a comment I shared in a previous post:

"Sometimes you have to choose between what you like and what you like." 

Read the full post here.

Decluttering is often emotional. We do it because we know we'll feel better for it, but it can be a rocky road. Recently I was working with a client I've been with for 12 years. She commonly brings up guilt as a reason she holds on to so much: guilt about adding to the world's trash - guilt about being able to buy things that she couldn't when she was a young adult  - guilt about living with so much clutter - guilt for the things she got rid of that she wished she hadn't.  She said, "I feel so guilty!" for not having pulled a padlock from her Army days out of a box at work that got trashed.  That came right after we tossed a pair of shoes she had worn twice that were sadly falling apart. I asked her:

"Is guilt the only emotion? What else do you feel?"

I didn't want her to dead-end at guilt or challenge her on why she shouldn't feel guilty. I went on to ask something along the lines of, "Can you be both guilty and happy that you're feeling lighter? Can you be guilty and on the path to a more comfortable home? Can you feel guilty and keep going?"

Do you have one big, heavy, overarching emotion that comes up when decluttering? If so, can you pause to ask yourself what other emotions want to be voiced but have been silenced by the loudest one? Please share in the comments!

Do you need support in letting go of paper and more? We serve Metro DC and Annapolis, MD in-person. I also work internationally via Zoom with online coaching clients. Let's work together.