6 things I learned about organizing in 2023

2023 was my 22nd year as a Professional Organizer and this is my 12th year-end post! 22 years in, I'm still learning so much - more than I can ever collect here with these annual round-ups. This work still gives me life, expands my heart, makes me laugh, and exposes me to the human experience. Thank you to all of my clients who let me into your lives! It's my pleasure.

Below are 6 of the things I learned about organizing in 2023, in no particular order.

1. An observation can be more helpful than an answer.

Just like last year, this year I held 12 hour-long Q&A sessions for Organize & Flow (formerly known as Team Organize). In these, I field a variety of questions on all things organizing (not just paper) in a Zoom room for about 74 - 150 participants. I started to realize that I reply with observations as much as answers.  Giving an observation can be just as helpful (if not more) than answering a question. I want my attendees and clients to learn how to be self-sustaining. This means guiding them to find their own answers. To do this, I lead them to know themselves better. One way I do this is to encourage them to honor their preferences. For example, if "unsophisticated" systems work best for you (as one client told me) - don't be shy about it - we can work with that!  What is a reasonable amount of XYZ to keep? I really don't know (or maybe I do...) but I'm going to voice some observations so you can answer that for yourself.

In one Organize & Flow session, I was asked about how long to keep a certain receipt. I think the asker wanted to be the kind of person who could toss receipts with abandon, but it was clear she wasn't close to being able to do this. Instead of an answer, I told a short story. I had just been cataloging debits in my budgeting app and noticed a $30 Sephora expense but not a $30 refund. I had exchanged an item and was supposed to have received an immediate refund for the new item that was swiped. I didn't ask for a receipt and I don't have a Sephora account. It's likely that with either of these, I could have been refunded the $30. After a few seconds of frustration, I let it go. If I had been the kind of person who kept and managed (or mismanaged) dozens of receipts per month, I could have saved $30. I'm not that person, so I'm aware of the risks I take. Losing $30 was a fair price to pay for a life that is mostly free of receipts. I didn't have the receipt and life went on.

It's doubtful that this single story released her of all trauma around receipts, but hopefully, she's meditating on the price people pay to cling tightly to every receipt ever. An answer of "Just throw them away" or "Here's 10 ways to manage them" or anything in between wouldn't give her the space to ponder the true cost of clinging so tightly.

2. You need new practices, not new products.

I've always known that new products aren't the answer to everyone's organizing prayers, but this year was the first time I was able to get that across with just seven words. "You need new practices, not new products" was my response to a virtual client asking if she needed a certain type of notebook to become better at using notebooks in lieu of Post-it notes. She didn't need a list of state of the art notebooks or even a link to the one I use. She needed to commit to adopting the practice of reaching for a notebook instead of a piece of scrap paper. Any notebook she reaches for consistently is the right notebook.  For more on this, read my post You need new practices, not new products.

3. Sometimes micro-values get in the way of macro-values.

I noticed one client was using the word "excuses" a lot. While it's good to call a spade a spade, I sensed she was getting stuck on this unhelpful word. I suggested that "reasons" was a better word that could help her go easier on herself. Then, I replaced "reasons" with "micro-values." If "having a home that inspires me" was her macro-value, then she had a number of micro-values that were at odds with the inspiring home. Here are some of her micro-values:

- Being a responsible steward of the environment by not releasing things I haven't used or things that still have life in them.

- Memorializing the the past. For example: guidebooks and equipment from when I was a wilderness guide.

- Aspiring to return to a past hobby. For example: keeping dog crates and other large supplies for the chance that I'll get back into dog competitions with dogs I don't own yet.

The above are all values that make her a good and interesting person. Honoring her diverse set of values helped her to see that she's not full of excuses, but rather, full of life. By themselves, these micro-values aren't harmful. However, in light of her macro-value of having an inspiring home, the other values can't win every day. In parting with climbing gear or a dog crate, she now sees that she is supporting a goal that is bigger than any other. Do you share her macro-value? What are your micro-values that need to be temporarily silenced for the big goal to see the light of day? Please share in the comments.

4. Usually, something's got to give to reach the big goal.

You can't focus on everything at once. You have to be ok with some things not getting done. Reaching certain goals might mean that others fall by the wayside.

These are all conversations I've had with clients who express frustration that while organizing, so much else doesn't get done, and vice versa. Organizing can feel like a game of whack-a-mole.

Life doesn't stop when you declare that you're ready to get organized. This is such a common lament that I recall three conversations with three clients about this within just the last week:

Client A: When I get hyper-focused on organizing, "I get behind on everything else." If I'm spending time on decluttering, laundry falls through the cracks. If I get caught up on housekeeping, the decluttering doesn't get done.

Client B: "No matter what I do, so much else isn't getting done." If I focus on my counter, then my billing isn't getting done. If I focus on clearing the dining room table, then the kitchen counter and bedroom get out of control.

Client C: We always work on one of two things: her academic writing project or the piles on her desk. When we started over a year ago, we spent most of our time together organizing her career's worth of research. Along the way we started dedicating sessions to getting caught up with garden variety mail and to-dos. This was at the expense of her writing project and we knew it. We're back to organizing her research. She voiced that she realizes this means the piles will grow for a bit, but that's a price she's willing to pay to refocus on her writing.

Me: My big goals revolve around creating more courses and online offerings. I'm overflowing with willingness and ability, but not with time. I also feel my best when I'm working out regularly. When I work out, I feel like I should be home working. When I'm working at home, I feel like I'm neglecting my health. This is why today, 12/21/23, I woke up at 6am to work out at 7am - for the first time in my life. I think I actually can do it all, but I'm going to have to sacrifice an hour of Netflix the night before and.... hmmm, not much else. I finally did the one thing I knew I had to do to make it all come together. Turns out the sacrifice needn't be my health or my business, but rather, Netflix.

Yesterday I would have only made the argument that you can't get it all done at once, nor should you try. In many cases, this is true. I would have argued that you have to be ok with other things slipping while you gain ground with the big goal. This is still very true in many cases, but don't let it be the only truth. Now that I'm (one day into) walking the walk, I suggest you leave room for the possibility that something else - something that is the true distraction - be then something that has to give.

5. Centering yourself before organizing never hurts.

It's common for me to notice themes across my organizing sessions. Some weeks it's almost like something's in the air. My husband, who practices Chinese medicine, similarly notices themes at times. These run much deeper than clients catching the same bug at the same time. This is a big reason why I can't pound out a series of posts in one sitting. I like to catch the current and share it in real time. One such current this year was an expressed desire by my clients to center themselves before organizing. It started when a virtual coaching client said, "I want to center myself before she arrives." about her in-person Professional Organizer. (Yes, sometimes I virtually coach clients on how they can best work with their in-person Organizer.) Elated, I suggested she do this with some simple, "Wouldn't it be nice if_____." statements. This could be:

- Wouldn't it be nice if today I let go of something big that I've been staring at for a long time?

- Wouldn't it be nice if I sent her away with more donations than I ever have?

- Wouldn't it be nice if we cleared some square footage and I didn't fill it up again?

Within days, I was working with a client I've known for at least 12 years. For the first time, she mentioned wanting to "meditate for just two minutes" before organizing on her own. What??! Was she listening in on my session about centering?

With these centering exercises fresh in my brain, within days, on another coaching call I suggested that another client finish a few of these sentences: "I love it when_____." She said, "Oh that's easy. I love it when my counter is clean..." and went on and on.

This is simple, free, and fast, but so few of us take these moments to pave the path to a better session - be it with yourself or and Organizer. Try it. Can you think of similar ways to center yourself before organizing? It can be before an afternoon or before a drawer that plagues you.  Please share in the comments.

6. It's not cheating to let someone else take the last step for you.

It's rare that a client or I feel like we just discovered a shortcut to decluttering. This is exactly what happened when a client had an idea: "What if  I give my husband permission to toss anything I put on the stairs?!" The Stairs Concept was born. Before that, we had been talking about ways to break through her struggle with letting go of magazines and catalogs, as two such piles were sitting on the stairs to her husband's loft. She noted that if she didn't go through those piles, he could theoretically toss them and she'd never know what she missed. But here's the best reason to put this final step into his hands: She wouldn't have to execute the emotionally toughest part of the process: dropping them into the recycling bin. All she has to do is set it on the stairs just feet outside of her office.

Additionally, I'm sometimes asked how people can best utilize their people in helping them declutter. Not everyone is equipped to play "Professional Organizer." If someone is willing to help, but their arms and legs are stronger than their patience and diplomacy, this is a great way to involve them in your process. Just ask if they are willing to make the things you choose, disappear!

In my post Try her "Stairs Concept" to get clutter out the door I share more about her story, one other client's adoption of this concept, and my own difficult experience dropping something into the donation bin.

What did you learn about organizing in 2023? Please share in the comments!

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